Now for my first entry. It’s Mama Miliking here.
I was composing a very eloquent post in my head as I travelled home on the train alone – Christos took the kids to an arvo catchup with the ‘mad aunties’. I had hit rock bottom with regard to energy and tolerance yesterday so I was having a quiet few hours. We had all spent the morning at the ‘children’s garden’ at the Botanical Gardens in Melbourne – a farewell/catchup with a random bunch of friends – so special to have seen everyone, some for whom it has been a long time, others more recent. After that, I went to visit my grandma. However the eloquence from my train thoughts has flown the coop now.
Here are some ponderings from my afternoon.
– My visit to Grandma. The beauty and calm upon entering my grandmas ‘hostel’. The quiet murmur of old people with dementia or the like as they converse with their friends within. The energetic stillness of a place without mobile phones being checked and divided attentions. I scanned the room for Roona, my g’ma. There she is looking gorgeously engaged with a basket of coloured napkins to be folded and some piles of neatly folded colour on a small table before her. She is working intently on a red napkin ( I wish I had my camera but my phone was conveniently out of battery). I assume that she is feeling good today and expect that she might know me… alas, there is no recognition. It might come. However, as we sit and converse about the coloured napkins that she referred to as; children, jobs, and many other inaudible words, I find a peaceful smile within. Whilst this is the first time g’ma has not recognised me at all, there is a new lightness in her chatter, the bitterness of days gone by is not present and the giggles at the work to be done with the folding brings me smack bang into the present. She is my teacher right now. Stop and smile. The world will go on. I have been stressing and flustered and empty welled for days if not months now as we packed our house, finished work, and gathered what we thought we might need for our journey ahead. And now the layers of goodbyes. I have heard close friends talk of self care, a moment of meditation before the jobs , etc etc,, but I haven’t been able to see the light or imagine the possibilities.. it has taken the beauty of my grandma that I imagine I have just seen for the last time (she is 99, turning 100 two days before my b’day in October) to bring me back into some sort of balance… she is beautiful, at peace and so present… I love my grandma. Goodnight Maroona Evans.
– The rest pales into insignificance. Still there are many jobs to do… bits of work to finish off. repacking of the car…
– Why do we not always realise the amount of work required when we take on such a big life shifting journey. I wish I could estimate time better, forsee jobs, and energy levels. But that is not me, not yet anyway. I have always been one to leave things until the last minute. I have always been one to get bored with routine (to a degree) and plan big. Christos is similar (can I say moreso!), that is probably what makes this trip possible for us as a family, but it certainly doesn’t mean it is all easy or without frustration. Sometimes I wish I was content with regularity and structure. but when regularity and routine are in my life I just want to take on more, do more, change the world. We are lucky that Christos and I are both up for this trip. It is unusual to find that desire in both partners so rest assured for those of you who sectretly want to be out there with us, i take your energy with us, and please for those who think we are crazy and mad, please hold me when times are tough.. I’ll be needing your insight and wisdom to get over the challenging moments.
I hope you enjoy the varied perspectives you get from us all over time.
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Mama Miliking Sandy